(picture taken by htc sensation xl)

reality gave me a wake-up call this time. i do not deny that i am still trying to recover from the state of shock of my pre-christmas gift. now, there is a force to keep me moving on. i suppose, i am not exactly the smartest that people expected, but at least, i am trying to keep up with expectations on myself.

all i can say to myself is, work harder and accept failures as they come along. hopefully, my pre-new-year gift will be a better one. well, no expectations on this.

i like to have intelligent conversations with people. you may see me bounce around, cracking jokes and what not when i get a little too hyperactive, but i can be serious when i need to. that is a part of me that went unnoticed.

it sets me pondering where my degree will lead me to upon graduation. i am still relatively young, and it worries me. somehow time is no longer on my side. in a year’s time, i am graduating with a degree in mathematics. not the easiest course around, and it does scare many people. we are not elites, but rather, the daredevils.

back to my topic. my future seems a little gray. i have always lived by my dream of becoming a top-notch teaching professional, but now it seems like i just need to secure my dream job. probably my only goal for now. it no longer matters but i want to be involved at the quickest possible time. 

i always tell people around me, “i guess teaching is the only career path for me, and i will most likely stay put forever.” somehow, the word ‘forever’ seems vague. one thing for sure, teaching comes in different aspects. if i do not become a teacher, where else will i be led to? i am certain that my alternate path will be a full-time tutor. then again, how long can it last?

should i let time control my future, let it lead me along the way? or just act upon it while i still have the chance to do so? i am utterly confused, and need some sense of directions. 

it feels like i have lost something precious, something important to me.