(picture taken by htc sensation xl)

because affirmation is necessary in all aspects.

my mom used to tell me there are things that i am going to find out when i start dating someone: you have to work at it together. and you have to love two things. you have to love 

1. each other

2. your relationship

what she means by the last one is there may be times that you fight, and sometimes you and your partner will not even like each other. but those are the times you have to love your relationship. it is like a third party. look at those photos you took together. look at any memories you have made with each other. and if you believe in those memories, they will always pull you back together.

(picture taken by canon 60d)

"the moment you bring me down again and again, i stop giving you all my promises. i stopped trying."

"people always lose what means most to them before they start to regret and try to salvage everything. the point is, why did you not try to show more, love more, care more, give more when you actually have the chance to?"

"don’t change yourself because of a bad relationship previously. because you are just going to miss the chance for someone to love you for who you really are, and not the changed self. go back, get yourself back."

(picture taken by htc sensation xl)

reality gave me a wake-up call this time. i do not deny that i am still trying to recover from the state of shock of my pre-christmas gift. now, there is a force to keep me moving on. i suppose, i am not exactly the smartest that people expected, but at least, i am trying to keep up with expectations on myself.

all i can say to myself is, work harder and accept failures as they come along. hopefully, my pre-new-year gift will be a better one. well, no expectations on this.

i like to have intelligent conversations with people. you may see me bounce around, cracking jokes and what not when i get a little too hyperactive, but i can be serious when i need to. that is a part of me that went unnoticed.

it sets me pondering where my degree will lead me to upon graduation. i am still relatively young, and it worries me. somehow time is no longer on my side. in a year’s time, i am graduating with a degree in mathematics. not the easiest course around, and it does scare many people. we are not elites, but rather, the daredevils.

back to my topic. my future seems a little gray. i have always lived by my dream of becoming a top-notch teaching professional, but now it seems like i just need to secure my dream job. probably my only goal for now. it no longer matters but i want to be involved at the quickest possible time. 

i always tell people around me, “i guess teaching is the only career path for me, and i will most likely stay put forever.” somehow, the word ‘forever’ seems vague. one thing for sure, teaching comes in different aspects. if i do not become a teacher, where else will i be led to? i am certain that my alternate path will be a full-time tutor. then again, how long can it last?

should i let time control my future, let it lead me along the way? or just act upon it while i still have the chance to do so? i am utterly confused, and need some sense of directions. 

it feels like i have lost something precious, something important to me.

(picture taken by iphone 4)

the new friends i met on new year’s eve. no doubt i am starting to enjoy hanging out with them more. but then again, we will see as it comes.

thanks calvin, for sending this to me. and yes, happy belated birthday, jon.

"i bend my plans because i know i can still make available time for you whenever possible. missing someone is quite painful actually."

"it is no longer about being rational; i just want to be myself."

the idea of growing up.

we complain about the bad, and boast about the good. in the phase of growing up, no one ever said it was going to be easy. in the traditional mindset of older generation, they believe that god exists, designing how our lives should be. but for our generation, and future ones, all these beliefs will soon become history.

recently, i started asking my students who they want to be when they grow up. somehow or rather, the answer was unanimous: uncertain. as an educator for a decade, i do see the generation gap. we were taught to think of our dreams and aspirations, to work towards them. somehow, the system of life changed. it seems foreign.

we grow up with people around us. but these people whom we labelled as acquaintances, friends, buddies, etc. somehow revolve in our lives for only a period of time. they who stay eventually become your closest next kin. somehow, i think this is true.

it was a really bumpy ride last year, painful and enriching at the same time. i do not have the worst of it, neither the best of it, but at least, i am comforted by the fact that i am growing up. this lesson is about self, one that no one could teach you, guide you. you are your own guiding light, your own saviour of the whole journey.

i decided not to have any wishful resolutions for the many years to come, but just…

to continue growing up.

(picture taken by htc sensation xl)

welcome of a new year, and that marks the end of my project.

(picture taken by htc sensation xl)

a third eye.

(picture taken by canon 60d)

keep the beat moving, cause it is a sensation from here onwards.